You know that feeling you have when you first get on a roller coaster? After you've waited in a long line and you finally sit down in the seat and they pull down the bar? That's when I always start to wonder-was this a good idea? And then you start slowly clicking up the track, and you get this pit in the stomach, a little part of you wanting to scream "Stop! Go back! Let me off!" but knowing you can't because the roller coaster is already in motion?
That's how it felt at the beginning of this, when we were first accepted with Kids Alive and we started sharing with our family, friends, and church. There were times when we would start to feel a little panicky-what have we done? There's no going back now! That feeling wore off after a while as we got used to it.
But its back. Not as bad as the first time. But now that Dan has left his job I've got that same feeling--What have we done? Three kids and no income-are we crazy? What if we can't get our support raised in time? (Stop! Go back! Let me off!) Thankfully the moments of fear are fleeting. Most of the time we feel very peaceful and confident about it.
I've been thinking about faith a lot. What it means to "have faith". Or what that means to me in our situation. I think faith is believing that God will do what He has promised. Where I get stuck is-what exactly has He promised me? I don't believe that He has promised that we will be at 100% by October 1. Maybe that is in His plan but I don't know. I do know that He has promised to take care of us. Philippians 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.